ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT MARY McALEESE ON THE OCCASION OF THE LAUNCH OF “A LITTLE LIFETIME”
ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT MARY McALEESE ON THE OCCASION OF THE LAUNCH OF “A LITTLE LIFETIME” ON WEDNESDAY 22 APRIL 1998
Last November, shortly after my inauguration as President – and when I was on one of my first visits, as President, to the West of Ireland – I chanced to meet some of the representatives of the Irish Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society who were there hosting a conference for medical professionals. During our brief meeting – at which they told me of the work of the Society – I was struck by the great commitment and dedication they had to help those who have to face the terrible experience of a stillbirth of a neonatal birth. So when I was contacted again by Veronica Smith-Murphy – the Secretary of the Society – I had no hesitation whatever in accepting her invitation to launch – or re-launch - the Society’s booklet – “A Little Lifetime”.
All of us – particularly those of us who are parents – know of the great joy – the great sense of fulfilment –on hearing of the imminent arrival of a new baby – and later at the birth itself. Yet for so many, that great euphoria and happiness can turn into the most awful nightmare - when the unthinkable and unimaginable happens – when the joy of birth or the prospect of birth is turned upside-down into a hell of confusion, self-blame, self-doubt and sheer uncontrollable grief – when it seems that there is no future – and when it is almost impossible to make any sense out of what is going on. Seamus Heaney – captures the sadness and bewilderment of the untimely loss of his infant brother in his poem “Mid-Term Break” – where he describes him lying in “A four foot box, a foot for every year” and he says ,
“. . . and I was embarrassed
By old men standing up to shake my hand
And tell me they were ‘sorry for my trouble’.
Whispers informed strangers I was the eldest,
Away at school, as my mother held my hand
In hers and coughed out angry tearless sighs.”
In 1983 a group of parents - whose babies had been born dead or had died shortly after birth – formed the Irish Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society – and a year later the first edition of “A Little Lifetime” was published. Since that time it has proved to be an invaluable source of information to parents and their families – and a great help to those who have to face the terrible grief and suffering that the death of a baby brings to parents and siblings – and to their wider families.
Over the last fifteen years, the work of the Society has grown and has continues to strive to promote understanding and awareness amongst parents, healthcare professionals and the wider public on the needs of the bereaved. Through a network of contacts and branches they offer support and counselling to parents – and organise Parents Support Meetings, Information Seminars and, importantly, Memorial Services – they have helped countless numbers of parents and families to come to grips with their bereavement. The title of the booklet “A Little Lifetime” reminds us that no matter how brief a life – whatever little time that was allotted to them – it was their lifetime. There is no minimum time limit for a life to qualify as a life. Often in the past - well-meaning friends and relatives tended perhaps to try to assuage the parents’ grief by pretending that the child never existed. Thankfully, everybody has now learned to celebrate that little lifetime – no matter how short it was.
Looking at the scope of the booklet – at the topics covered and the advice available – you begin to get an appreciation of the tremendous impact that the death of a baby can have – and of the tremendous importance of dealing with the anguish and grief – so as to allow parents and siblings to come to grips with the tragedy at their own pace and in their own time. The booklet covers every aspect of coping with grief and the grieving process. It covers such areas as the significance of seeing or holding the baby – what to do if you can’t bring yourself to do so – telling the other children – the value of keepsakes and photographs – and the importance of the spiritual dimensions such as baptism and funeral arrangements. The great value of the book to parents is evidenced by the great demand that already exists for this new version – which has already been distributed to hospitals.
One of my reasons for accepting the invitation today is to give recognition and pay tribute to the Society for their tremendous work over the last fifteen years – for the great support that they have given to bereaved parents and families – through their branches and information services – and also through their work with the professionals. When I met the Society last November, their conference was directed at those who work in healthcare – the nurses, the doctors, the midwives – and addressed the needs of parents and families when a baby dies around the time of birth. I know that the Society is planning to pursue this aspect of their work further with the preparation of a booklet – funded by the V.H.I. – aimed at professionals in every aspect of care – and importantly, written by professionals.
Your work in the past has helped many to cope with the grief of bereavement and I know that your future work will be of immense importance for those who deal with perinatal death as part of their work. In launching the booklet, I would like to wish you well in your important work.